f.6 the fluidity of love
love
One of the most peculiar words in our language is “love.” We toss it about haphazardly and oft forget its importance. “I love chocolate” or “I love this TV show” are two examples of the reckless absurdity to which we have relegated the word. Of course, in almost all instances what we mean to say is “really like” or some varying degree of liking, depending on the adverb chosen to modify “like.” But when it comes to true love, as in the emotional bond between a human and something else, we have peculiar rules that we’ve created.
- When we buy, adopt, or find a puppy (or kitten, et cetera) we are allowed to immediately love it with impunity.
- When we have children, we are not only allowed, but expected to immediately love them.
- We are expected to proclaim love for family – even family members we may not have seen in years or decades, because we love our families.
When two adults fall in love, however, warnings and cautious statements abound.
- “Don’t fall in love too quickly,” I’ve heard said.
- “You can’t love him; you’ve only known him for (insert whatever amount of meaningless time you want here)!”
- “You’re not in love; it hasn’t been long enough since your last relationship. This is a rebound feeling.”
I have to admit that all of these things are not only possible, but have indeed happened to at least one person in the history of humanity. Admittedly, I’d rather be “too quick to love” than too slow and lose the change at happiness. However, when I recently announced that I had fallen in love, one of the first things from most (not all) of people I told was, “how long have you known him?” First: I understand and appreciate the concern of others – it truly touches my heart that so many people care about me. Second: what does that have to do with how I feel?
In our hearts (the spiritual representation, not the physical manifestation) we know when we are falling for or are in love with someone. The damning thing about our Western culture is we seem to believe we need to fit it into some type of checkbox or mold before we can “validate” it to others. To state that I find this infuriating is an understatement. When I hear that someone else has said the three little words “I love you” to someone else, I reply to said person with four little words of my own: “I’m happy for you!” (Any commentary that “I’m” is a contraction will meet with the commentator being the subject of my next grammatical post: you have been warned) Now that all of my friends are well into adulthood, I trust them to make cogent decisions about their emotional well being. If they tell me they are in love, the best thing I can do as a friend or loved one myself is to congratulate them and hope it stays so.
Do yourself, your friends, and your loved ones a favor. The next time you hear someone proclaim that he or she is in love, wish them a lifetime of it and that it may stay with them for today and all of the days they have remaining. Parents have the prerogative of cautioning their children to love carefully, but let’s be realistic, here – how often do children follow the advice of their parents where matters of the heart are concerned? Do not “live and let live.” No. Instead “love and let love.” The world will be a better place for it.
—amoris—
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