u.4 the utility of words and meanings
This T-shirt says just what it says: nothing more.
I find it very annoying when people misuse their own preconceptions against my own intent. Some of this is natural, but some of it is a preconditioning that has been built into our culture as part of the “everything now” movement. More succinctly, when I say something, many people will assume that I’m not saying the opposite. Let’s say that I wear the shirt shown above, or – that I speak these words aloud. “I like skinny guys,” I said.
Immediately, people will start to form improper conclusions from my statement, and a few of the most common are:
-
I like skinny guys so I do not like ones who are not skinny
- I hate fat people
- I’m an elitist
- I’m flaunting the fact that I have a fast metabolism
- I don’t understand what it’s like to be fat
- I love all skinny people
Some of these things are true, some of them are not, and some are in a gray area.
First, the definition of “skinny” is subjective, as are nearly all adjectives. I do not find emaciated people particularly attractive, but there is no question that said people are skinny. Also, what is skinny – to me – may be “average” to someone else. Thus, “skinniness” is in the eye of the beholder. I suppose “slender” might be a kinder word, but it might not be the word I’m seeking.
Second, I hate nobody. It’s a wasted emotion, but to imply affection or bias toward something seems to imply hatred or loathing against its opposite. This simply isn’t true, and is what leads to a lot of prejudice, honestly. I like green, ergo I must hate red, its complimentary color. (Admittedly, I do hate green and red together, and I’m not even colorblind) But we have a culture of rapid judgments, and so if I’m for something, I must be against something else, the non-philosophers would have us believe.
Third, as I’ve aged, I’ve learned what happens when metabolisms slow down. Like many men, I could eat nearly anything I wanted when I was younger and I wouldn’t gain a pound. When I turned 30, I was concerned that my metabolism would change and, gratefully, it didn’t. The damn thing waited until I was complacent at 35. So, I’ve adopted a healthy lifestyle eating much better, exercising more (but not enough, some would argue) and drinking water more than any other liquid. I took this action because of all of the things aforementioned, I hate exercising the most, so controlling my diet was a decision that I made. I could have opted not to control my diet and exercise more, or I could have done neither and continued to gain weight. So, it is true and fair to say I do not know what it’s like to be obese, but I do know what it’s like to “watch one’s weight.”
The utility of words is important, however. Were I to say, “I enjoy being around slender people more than obese people” things might be easier for the quick-to-judgers amongst us. However, that statement isn’t true, which is why I didn’t use it. It is fair to say that I am attracted to skinny people (non-sexually, of both genders) because I agree with the statement that we’re wired genetically to measure people up as potential mates. (For those who suffer from autohomophobia, you’re not gay because you find another person of the same gender attractive, only if you act upon it repeatedly.)
We must, as a society, listen more to what people say than try and discern meaning from what they do not. Aside from having much more enjoyable conversations, the predilection for conspiracy theories drops most precipitously when we seek not to “read between the lines.” Many people, most of them quite intelligent, say that they are great communicators in either résumés or curriculum vitae or both. I would posit that many of them are excellent speakers, but not necessarily such good listeners. In closing: when in doubt, ask. The only thing you have to lose is knowledge, and that, it seems, is in shortest supply.
—fin—
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