u.3 of pride and prejudice
I am almost nothing like other people in the so-called “GLBT” community. I am a minority within a minority within a minority. I do not believe in gay pride.
This tends to shock many people at first: I am, after all, a gay man, right? Well, that depends a lot on your definition of “gay,” I suppose. I dislike appellations because they are contingent upon the definitions of others. I am unquestionably a homosexual, so that’s a definite yes. But there are so many different types of people under the category of “GLBT” that it’s almost like being called “white” in its broadness. First, I need to explain why I think that GLBT is a terrible combination.
Gay men are men who are attracted to other men.
Lesbian women are women who are attracted to other women.
Bisexual people are attracted to both sexes.
Transgender people want to physically change their bodies to the opposite gender from which they are born.
The only thing that all four of these groups may have in common is that they have been oppressed based on their sexual attraction. There are a few problems with this “allegiance,” however. Almost all of the gay men I know have nearly nothing in common with lesbian women. They have great friendships with them, yes, but they also have great friendships with straight people of both genders. Stereotypically, lesbians know how to use power tools and wear flannel, checkered shirts all the time. Gay men, of course, wear Prada and Gucci and like to be interior decorators. Both of these are grossly inaccurate, which is true of nearly all stereotypes, because I happen to own nothing made by Gucci or Prada, I own flannel shirts, I know how to use power tools, I do yard work, and I also have decent tastes with respect to decorating my house. I am attracted to men, however.
I can argue for the case that gays and lesbians have a common cause: we both share attractions to the same gender as we were born. In that respect, we can march under the same flag demanding “equal rights” because we are fighting for the same cause. Enter the bisexuals. First, I do not write this article to demean nor discriminate against bisexuals; I am merely pointing out that I am not one of them and do not share their view on sexuality. I can find a woman beautiful, and indeed, often do so, but I am not the least little bit sexually attracted to her. Not a tiny bit. Not at all. Bisexual people can get married in all 50 States that comprise the United States of America, as long as they choose the opposite-gendered sex for that portion of the “bi” aspect. I want them to enjoy the freedom to marry the person they love most, regardless of gender, but I am not a member of the bisexual community.
Transgendered people got lumped into this camp thanks largely to the American Psychiatry Association before homosexuality was removed as a mental disorder in the 1970’s. While I know many gay men who are unhappy with their bodies and seek an unattainable Adonis-like standard, they do not wish to have their genitalia “reassigned.” I know some lesbians who are “butch” and some who are very lady-like. Some of them also wish to reshape their bodies more toward the sexually “Venus-like” figures depicted in modern media. However, they do not wish to have their bodies “reassigned” to look like men. The bisexuals that I know do not wish to have their bodies changed in this matter, either. And in a final euphemistic coup, this has now been relabeled “gender identity disorder.” Fair enough: I still do not suffer from it.
Again, I must reiterate that I seek not to discriminate against anyone: but aside from gays and lesbians, the other two groups have little in common with each other, and very-little-to-nothing in common with gays and lesbians. The desire to be treated equally is a universal, human desire, and not limited to a subset of the culture dealing with an aspect of physical and emotional attraction. In my mind, it’s like calling everyone who’s not Caucasian a “minority,” because in reality the Caucasians are the minority when taken against all “non-whites.”
With the sweeping decision from the US Supreme Court on DOMA this week, a great step toward equal treatment under the law was taken and I’m gladdened by it. However, protection under the law does not equate to acceptance by society. Forty years after Loving v. Virginia “interracial” couples are still a controversy in a Cheerios commercial. But I digress.
I am not one who neatly fits into the “G” of GLBT, or LGBT, or whichever order it happens to be placed in a given article. This brings me to the bizarre notion of “gay pride.”
I have spent the better part of a quarter-century convincing close-minded people that I was born gay. I had absolutely no input into this decision. In equal fashion, I wasn’t asked my opinion on having brown eyes, brown hair, long fingers, being over six feet tall, nor was I consulted on what size nose I wanted, how big my feet should be, if I wanted thick or thin eyebrows, or how much melanin I wanted in my skin. Since I should take pride in things I do, why would I take pride in something I did not do? As Lady Gaga put it, I was “born this way.” I am neither proud nor ashamed of being a homosexual; it simply is.
Some argue that I should take pride in accepting that I’m gay, and in that, I find some agreement. It was a long, difficult battle both internally and externally for me to arrive where I am in peace. But, that is not what is celebrated in “Gay Pride” celebrations. There are no “memorial floats” that depict how many people killed themselves in the past year, decade, or four decades since Stonewall, because of their sexual nature. Nor are there floats with information on resources for people struggling with acceptance. There are, however, “Dykes on Bikes” ever year, “Bears in Barrels,” and go-go dancers on poles wearing skimpy bathing suits. There are lots of people walking in the parade with babies in strollers. There is rainbow-everything for sale or for free, and large companies are falling over themselves to state that they are “for gay rights.” How nice for them. They should be proud to be on the right side of history. Where’s my coupon for being gay?
I have nothing in common with the drag queens, although I sometimes enjoy a show as much as my straight friends do. I appreciate (truly) the support shown by elected representatives, especially the ones who actually do something to further my rights while serving. But the “festival” has become a large, commercial event where people sell everything one can imagine. It’s a rainbow-themed flea market of sorts wherein I can buy overpriced this-and-that apparently to show the world that my car can be decorated as gay, or my house, or me. I don’t really need to advertise, however, since I know I’m gay. (for the record, as unloving objects, neither my house nor my car are gay)
When I look at the news coverage of the parade, it usually has a voiceover of “a crowd estimated at four-hundred thousand gathered this weekend in celebration of gay pride in Loring Park…” while the camera shows pictures of the go-go dancers, and the drag queens, and all of the rainbow things. I am extremely proud that my family was able to accept me for who I am without much trouble. I am proud that I was able to come to terms with who I am, but I am saddened that I had to fight that internal struggle in the first place. But I place no pride in the fact that I am gay, and I am prejudiced against those who do, because it is akin to people who believe they are superior because of a genetic trait, and I have no tolerance for humans who find themselves superior to one another. We are all human, and that is what everyone need to learn and accept: no pride required.
—fin—
intuityfluidityutility.wordpress.com 