f.2 unnecessary turbulence
unnecessary turbulence
As I sat on an aircraft this morning, and because I needed the plane to depart on time, it was delayed due to mechanical issues. The Captain came on and said,
“Folks, there is a minor problem with our APU.”
Now, I was lucky enough to work on a project for an airline company in my job so I knew what that meant. It could be a major deal, but the plane would not be taking off if it was. If it was a minor problem, the plane would still be delayed. Not good. Worse, most people had no idea what an APU might be. (Auxiliary Power Unit) It basically powers the plane when the engines are off. During the ten minutes that we had to spend waiting for maintenance, people in the plane were very nervous about this. I was surprised at how many people misinterpreted APU as equivalent to a CPU, the processor in a computer. They were worried that the plane would crash, largely, even though we hadn’t even yet left the gate.
In this situation, the pilot gave people too much information. He tried to minimize it by using the adjective “minor,” but people don’t tend to believe in “minor” problems when they are aboard the plane. What’s worse, once we left the gate, the plane just at next to the runway for another fifteen minutes when the captain said,
“This plane is being stubborn and the electrical systems aren’t cooperating. We’re calling maintenance now.”
Fifteen minutes after that, the plane just pulls into the runway and we take off. The Captain again failed to tell people what the problem was (it was still the APU) and now many people believed the plane had two problems. Here is how the Captain should have handled it.
“Folks, there’s a minor delay while we double check a system; we always make certain that everything is perfect before we take off, for your safety and comfort.”
“Greetings from the captain, again. We have another delay that will be resolved very quickly; we’d never take off if we weren’t certain everything was safe, so we’re taking an extra minute to verify things. Thanks for your patience.”
The same paradigm applies in our relationships, and I have repeatedly seen people cause unnecessary friction within their relationships by giving too much information when it is unnecessary. This doesn’t mean that a juxtaposition with too little information is a good idea. The balance rests in the outcome you seek and determining that before answering a question. When asked, “How was your day?” by a significant person in your life, simply saying “good” or “bad” is lacking in information. In one’s day was good, we usually reply with something such as, “…and how was yours?” When replying in the negative, one of two situations usually occur. Either no additional information is offered, or a saga rivaling a soap opera ensues describing every little detail of the day that went wrong. A good answer would be specific and brief. “I had a bad day at work; one of my coworkers didn’t get his part of a presentation done and it was very stressful. I am looking forward to a relaxing evening.”
The most common situation is usually one which revolves around healthcare. Assume you went to a doctor and were told you have a mild heart murmur. Your doctor tells you that nothing needs to be done other than checking up in a year. You return home and your significant other asks how the doctor’s appointment went. Some would say, “nothing’s wrong.” That would be a lie, and when you inevitably bring up the heart murmur, an argument will likely ensue. You could say, “There’s a minor problem with my heart.” This is too little information, because, like an aircraft, people do not hear anything but problem and heart. You could recount everything that the doctor said verbatim, but when you reach the end saying that you don’t need to worry and just follow up in a year, you’ll likely get a variant of, “why didn’t you just say so?” A good answer would be, “The doctor discovered I have a mild heart murmur and (s)he isn’t worried about it at all. I don’t need any tests or medication, and (s)he’ll check it next year when I have my next physical. Other than that, everything is great.”
While both of these solutions are relatively mundane, understanding how we respond to people’s questions informs us of what we’re saying versus what we think we’re saying. It is not appropriate to withhold information that should be conveyed, but it is a common mistake to give too much information, that can lead to misunderstandings (at best) or anger and hostility. Keeping is simple and succinct is best for almost any initial answer in a conversation. Remembering this will make relationships smooth sailing, or at least less turbulent.
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